What Am I ..... A Christian? This morning I am going to talk about myself rather than talk in general about us all, though I think that what concerns me this morning has implications for us all. Perhaps my musings this morning might at some point offer something of use to those who listen to me or read me in paper or on the internet. Of course if I was going to be 'biblical' I would finish this part of my introduction with the words "those who have ears to hear let them hear" and for the print version "those who have eyes to see let them see." Of course being on this tack I should also refer to the parable of the sower and the idea that some may not be able to take on board the meaning of what I am sharing. Because these phrases that have survived within the 'Christian testament' indicate quite clearly that Jesus really knew that what he talked about in his parables would 'fall on deaf ears'. Life has been, and continues to be, interesting. It has taught me many things. Most of all it has taught me something about myself. This slow development process spanning many years has changed me. Is that statement right? Did my life change me or did it just allow me to see a little of who I might be, or a little of who I might be becoming, or perhaps a little of who I really am? Has this 'life change', really changed anything? What have I become? Who am I? Who am I really? At one point in my life I thought of myself as a Christian. Is that what I think now? Who am I - a Christian? So what is a Christian? The answer to this question seems to depend, to a large degree on where you stand. I was brought up within the Unitarian and Free Christian tradition because my father was a Unitarian minister. My mother had been brought up a Methodist but attended the Unitarian church after marrying father and after his death stayed largely within Unitarianism, though made a point of visiting many other churches. I can remember that we attended the Society of Friends, Quakers that is, for an extended period of time. Even in later life, when away from home, she would attend the nearest 'interesting' church rather than not attend any church at all. This upbringing left me with a largely Christian outlook, that is, my religious upbringing was based upon an understanding of particularly the Christian Testament but with other religious texts thrown in within the context and need of working out what it 'meant - for myself'. This, it seems to me, is the Unitarian slant. My upbringing has left me with an important streak of 'take note of it' then make up your own mind. This, coupled with a need to make some sort of sense of 'what it is all about'. So was I a Christian then? Well, from the standpoint of the main Christian churches the answer would emphatically be no, or perhaps maybe. Because I do not, cannot and will not subscribe to any church creed or accepted dogma, the Catholic church and the Church of England would definitely see me as non-Christian. To be a member of these 'clubs' you have to subscribe wholeheartedly to the 'truth' of creed and religious dogma. The nonconformist 'free' churches might accept me as 'possibly' being Christian, except for the big stumbling block of belief. Increasingly the non-conformist churches are becoming, or perhaps they always were, more evangelical in their religious outlook. It seems to me that, increasingly, to be a member of their 'club' I would have to implicitly believe the contents of the New Testament. I can't subscribe to that because I am too much of a thinker that makes his own way. Perhaps I am just too contrary. So we are left with the Evangelical Christian churches. They believe Jesus was and is divine. That in some way he was and is God. Personally I have never accepted this. Important yes! Life changing yes! But one third of God which for them is made up of God (the distant creator), Holy spirit (the active arm of God) and Jesus (who is God's doorkeeper to 'paradise'). No I cannot accept that. For me this view diminishes God which is supposed to be all embracing and all there is. They also believe implicitly in the total truth of the actual words of the whole Bible. It is all seen as being absolutely true and has remained unchanged from the moment that it was first written down. They also see the Bible as the actual word of God and therefore true in all instances. I have never been able to accept the 'word perfection' because the Bible offers a range of, to me, contradictions. On top of this, biblical researchers and thinkers of which Dr. Martin Pulbrook is just one, clearly show to my mind, the textual development of the Christian Testament of the Bible over the centuries since Jesus. To me the Bible has obviously been tinkered with and sometimes this tinkering was purposeful! So what am I then? Perhaps I am a Unitarian? Perhaps. It certainly has given me a home, a base from which to work and I am grateful for this. So why do I feel that there might be the possibility that I may not be a Unitarian. Well looking back on my life I can see that I was actively led to return to Unitarianism after many years away from it. I was drawn to Ansdell and then from here to Blackpool. Drawn may not be the best word to use. Pushed is what it felt like. I woke up one morning and knew that I had to be at the Ansdell Unitarian Church. I fought against this but eventually I went to Ansdell and it felt right to be there. A few years later I was pointed towards this Blackpool Unitarian church. Funnily enough, it felt even better here. So why am I saying this here and now? It is because I feel the slackening of my ties to this church. I feel that the time is drawing towards me when I will no longer be here or no longer here in the way or frequency that I have been in the past. The question - what am I? - is again being represented to me. What am I? This is a difficult question to answer. In a physical sense, as a child, I was a sensitive, shy child quite comfortable to be away from others. I was somewhat introverted and had a pronounced stutter. Today I would, perhaps, be diagnosed as dyslexic or to have a 'special need'. I found it difficult to make friends and to generally socialise as I had little social understanding, social skill or virtually any ability to socialize. Separateness and living in my 'head world' was what I did. I enjoyed 'nature' and being 'within' it and with myself - just being. All this made it much more difficult to grow up, if men ever do that is, and I still have the marks of this childhood even today. The marks of childhood. That sounds really bad doesn't it? Yes I do have them but I look on them as being positive now rather than negative. Perhaps even necessary in what I see as my spiritual journey, even though a good deal of this was hidden by the earning of money and having a family. However, it was when I became a reiki healer that I began noticeably, in hindsight, to change. In this period I turned inwards more frequently. My earlier relaxed, accepting approach to life began to re-assert itself and I became more aware of meditation. This period of my life has left me with a better understanding of who I have been and what I have done, both the good and the seemingly 'not so good'. Though the 'not so good' has probably taught me much more than the 'good'. I seem to have a greater grasp of what reality might be. I have learned to silence, for long periods of the day, my chattering mind and allow the 'real' me to shine through in response to my need. I have learned to ask and expect an answer played out in my life. I am more open to learn from all my experiences. I 'know' that I am not this body, which will pass away, but am eternal. I know that I am 'working' my way back to God and to perhaps becoming, in some small way, a part of god. (You know, when I typed that word 'part' it came out as 'prat'.) Probably right too. Perhaps this is an indication of the length of the journey to come, and its need.) I know that I am here to learn and to help others and to learn more. I am more aware of the reality of beauty everywhere and the inner smile. I am constantly open to the possibility of the next and continuing period of learning. So where am I now? It seems that I am on yet another threshold. And this time I 'know' that it will involve a greater amount of involvement in meditation. Do I know what my 'next step' is? No I don't but that just makes it more interesting doesn't it! So what does that make me? The more extreme evangelical churches would see me as already dammed, sinful and perhaps the 'spawn of the devil'. This does not worry me one jot because God is everything. There is only God. We are all God. You and me; the chair that you are sitting on; this church building and the traffic outside is all of God. The whole world and all of creation is God. We are all 'god-stuff'. We were made from 'god stuff' and return to God in our own time (or Gods?) but only when we have learned to grow up. So what does that make me? It makes me increasingly whacky, dangerous and crazy in light of some other groups. Well, I can live with that. That is OK because that statement is much more of a statement of where they are on the 'their own journey' as of me on mine. But that is OK. So what am I? I have knocked and have received. I know more about who I might be. I tend to be calmer and less judgemental of myself and others. I sought and have found something. I have looked and 'seen' something of that which is hidden and I am astonished. I accept that the beginning is the end and eternal and is God. I hope, because of my small understanding that my words will encourage others on their journey. This makes me, as we all are, sons and daughters of God. I suppose this makes me a disciple of Jesus who talked about those things that all the 'world changing' men and women, across time, have talked about. In a sense I am a disciple of them all. For are not all religions and belief systems, when stripped of their incidental aspects, their focus on power, control and self importance and their grasping after things, really giving the same core message? There is only one path taking us all in different directions from and to the same place - God. Therefore there is only one teaching no matter what words are used. So perhaps I am, therefore, not a disciple of Jesus after all but rather a disciple of God because when the beginning is the end where the upper is the lower and the inner is the outer and the male is the female then all is one and is God. Amen Joe Potter  27/09/2009